Hi Reader

Your teen is crying, their stomach hurts, and they’re telling you they cannot go to school.

You reassure them, offer a few options, and watch the clock while wondering how you’re going to get through another morning like this.

Eventually, you say, “Okay. You can stay home today.”

And a little while later, they seem better.

It’s understandable if you find yourself thinking, “Were they really that upset? If they’re okay now, why couldn’t they go?”

Feeling better once the pressure to attend school disappears doesn’t prove they were pretending. Sometimes, that relief is part of the pattern that makes returning difficult.

When anxiety is driving avoidance, getting away from the situation can bring immediate relief while making it harder to manage the fear over time.

That’s the school avoidance loop I’m talking about in this week’s episode.

It’s a pattern to understand with compassion, because everyone involved may be trying to get through an overwhelming morning.

It’s also important to understand what’s making school difficult. Anxiety, bullying, and unmet educational needs can all play a role. Your teen may need changes and support at school, along with help managing their feelings.

My Perception → Process → Plan framework gives us a way to start looking at this:

Perception: What do I believe is happening, and what do I still need to understand?

Process: What happens when the distress shows up? How do my teen and I respond?

Plan: What support and manageable next step fit this situation?

This week, try looking at one recent difficult morning during a quieter moment. Write down:

• What happened before your teen wanted to stay home?
• What did your teen and you do next?
• What changed after the decision was made?

You’re gathering information that can help you have a more useful conversation.

One way to begin is:

“I’ve noticed mornings have been hard. I’d like to understand which part is hardest so we can get the right help and make a plan together.”

If school avoidance is continuing, involve the school and your child’s healthcare provider. A coordinated plan matters, especially when distress is interfering with attendance and daily life.

Watch or listen to this week’s episode:​
(Click the photo below to watch this episode)

In my upcoming parent masterclass, we’ll practice connecting what you understand about anxiety with how you respond and a manageable next step, using my Perception → Process → Plan framework.

Details coming soon.

You don’t have to figure out the whole semester today. Understanding one difficult morning gives you a place to begin.

Cynthia

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