Hi Reader

As parents, we spend a lot of time getting our children ready for college. We make lists of everything they need to take, figure out who is bringing the refrigerator, shop for dorm supplies, and hope we haven't forgotten anything important. Those are all necessary things to do, but there is something much bigger happening that often gets overlooked. Your child isn't the only one preparing for a new chapter. You are too.

Most people talk about the emotions of becoming an empty nester. They talk about missing your child, feeling lonely, or wondering what to do with a quieter house. Those feelings are certainly real, but I think there is something even deeper happening. You are experiencing an identity shift.

For the last eighteen years or so, you have been the manager of someone else's life. You have organized schedules, reminded them about assignments, driven them to activities, celebrated their successes, worried about their struggles, and helped them solve problems. Whether you realize it or not, so much of your identity has been wrapped up in being their parent in this very active way. Then, almost overnight, your role begins to change.

At the very same time, your child is experiencing an even bigger identity shift. Everything about their world is changing. They've never lived away from home. They've never had this much freedom. They've never had to navigate roommates, professors, new friendships, adult responsibilities, and countless daily decisions without you nearby. They are trying to figure out who they are while learning how to build a life that is completely different from the one they've always known.

When both the parent and the child are going through major identity changes at the same time, it's easy for emotions to run high. Parents can sometimes interpret their child's independence as rejection. Students may pull away because they are trying to discover who they are becoming, not because they love you any less. Both people may feel hurt, uncertain, or overwhelmed, and both may wonder if something has gone wrong.

Nothing has gone wrong.

This is what growth often looks like. It feels uncomfortable before it feels exciting. It feels uncertain before it feels confident. Knowing that ahead of time can make such a difference because instead of seeing these emotions as warning signs, you begin to recognize them as part of a very normal transition.

I know this because I lived it myself. When I first went to college, I wasn't prepared for how overwhelming the transition would feel. I questioned whether I belonged there, whether I was capable, and whether leaving home had been the right decision. Looking back now, I realize I wasn't failing. I was simply experiencing what so many college freshmen experience. I just didn't have the language or the support to understand it.

That experience is one of the reasons I created The Resilient Launch program. I wanted students to have someone walking beside them before they reached the point of feeling completely overwhelmed. Instead of waiting until anxiety, loneliness, or self-doubt takes over, we prepare for those challenges ahead of time. I help students understand their strengths, identify their values, build practical life skills, and learn how to navigate the emotional side of becoming an adult.

Parents are included in the process too. Not because your student needs you to solve every problem, but because you are going through a transition of your own. My goal is to help both of you understand what is happening so that this season becomes one of growth instead of fear.

If you have a student heading off to college this fall, I want you to know that what you are feeling is normal. What they are feeling is normal too. Neither of you is doing it wrong. You are simply growing into new roles, and growth is rarely comfortable in the beginning.

Give yourself grace. Give your child grace. Keep talking, keep encouraging, and remember that this season is not about letting go of your relationship. It is about allowing that relationship to grow into something new.

I'm cheering for both of you every step of the way.

Cynthia

​
​

​​​​​​

"The goal is not to launch a young adult who never struggles. The goal is to launch one who trusts themselves to handle the struggle."