Hi Reader

“What if nobody talks to me?”

“They will. These are your friends.”

“But what if it’s awkward?”

“You had fun last time!”

Five minutes later, your teen is asking another question, and you’re wondering what else you’re supposed to say.

If this happens in your house, you’re probably trying very hard to help. You want your teen to feel better, and reassurance seems like the most loving response.

Comfort matters. But sometimes the conversation becomes a search for a guarantee that neither of you can give.

We can’t promise an event won’t be awkward, a test will go well, or a presentation will feel easy. There’s always another “what if.”

In this week’s episode, I share a different starting point:

“I hear that you’re worried. I can’t promise exactly how it will go, but we can think about how you’ll handle it.”

When your teen is ready to talk, try these two questions:

“What is worry telling you might happen?”

“What do you want to do?”

They might tell you that worry predicts they’ll be standing alone when they arrive, but they still want to see their friends.

Now you have something to work with. Could they text one friend and ask to meet them at the door?

The worry may still be there, but your teen has a manageable action connected to something they want.

Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons describe “expect to worry” and “talk to worry” as two pieces of the worry puzzle in Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents. In the episode, I explain how those ideas fit within the Perception part of my Perception, Process, and Plan framework.

I also share how this can look with homework, and what to notice when your own worry gets pulled into the conversation.

If you’d like to practice applying these ideas, my upcoming masterclass for parents of anxious teens will walk you through all seven puzzle pieces using my framework.

We’ll work through real situations so you can identify how to respond and what next step might help your family.

Details coming soon.

Cynthia

P.S. What question does your teen ask you over and over? Hit reply and tell me. I’d love to know which situations feel hardest in your house.

🎧 This week's podcast: Anxious Teen Keeps Asking for Reassurance? What to Say

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