Hi Reader

Have you ever walked away from a conversation with your teen and thought, “That is not how I wanted that to go”?

Maybe you were worried about missing assignments, and your questions turned into a lecture. Maybe your college student called about a problem, and you jumped in with advice before they finished telling you what happened.

Or maybe you raised your voice, they raised theirs, and now you’re both in different rooms wondering what to do next.

I think one of the most important skills we can practice in any relationship is knowing how to come back after a hard moment. We talk about teaching our children to apologize, but what does that look like when we’re the ones who need to go first?

This is where repair comes in. By repair, I mean going back, taking responsibility for your part, and making room to hear the other person.

It might sound like this:

“I’ve been thinking about our conversation earlier. You were trying to tell me something, and I kept interrupting. I’m sorry. If you want to tell me again, I’d like to listen.”

You don’t need a long speech or the perfect words. Start with something specific that you wish you had handled differently.

With teens and young adults, there may also be older moments we wish we could revisit. You might say, “I see that differently now, and I wish I had listened more.” You can take that step even if some time has passed. How they respond, and whether they want to talk, is their choice.

When anxiety is part of family life, there can be plenty of moments to revisit. Your child is worried, you’re worried about them, and suddenly you’re pushing harder than you meant to.

My Perception → Process → Plan framework gives us a way to slow that down:

Perception: What happened, and what was I worried about?

Process: Can I settle enough to own my part without asking my child to make me feel better?

Plan: What is one thing I can say or do to come back to this conversation?

This week, think of one moment you wish you had handled differently. Is there a small part of it you’re ready to own?

In my upcoming parent masterclass, When Reassurance Isn’t Working, we’ll look at ways to respond when anxiety is making everyday situations hard.

Cynthia

When “You’ll Be Fine” Isn’t Helping

Do you keep reassuring your teen, only to hear another “But what if…?” Join me for When Reassurance Isn’t Working: Seven Ways to Help Your Anxious Teen Build Courage, Confidence, and Resilience, on Thursday, November 19, from 1:00–2:30 PM CST, live on Zoom.

We’ll work on what to say, how to respond, and how to help your teen take a manageable next step. Your $37 registration includes parent resources, three guided audios, and seven days of replay access to the teaching.

Attend live for 30 minutes of unrecorded discussion and receive a separate private 30-minute Parent Situation Session with me. Book your private session before the seven-day replay window closes; the appointment can take place a few weeks later.

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