Hi Reader

I recently found out my blood type.

B positive.

If you know me, you know why that made me laugh. My number one CliftonStrengths theme is Positivity. I've always been a glass-half-full person, and sometimes I think my glass is more than half full.

Apparently, even my blood wanted in on that.

My husband joked that his is probably B negative. 😊

Of course, I'm joking about blood type explaining personality. But the coincidence got me thinking about something I've had to learn as a parent, school counselor, and coach.

Sometimes I get to the bright side before the other person has had a chance to tell me what hurts.

My daughter has helped me see that about myself. I can smooth things over or say something is fine before I've really acknowledged what happened.

I've done it with my own feelings, too. I like being happy, so sometimes “I'll just move on” has been my way of avoiding disappointment or pain.

And when our teens are struggling, it's easy to do the same thing to them.

“You'll be fine.”

“Look at all the good things you have.”

“Try to be positive.”

We want to help. But they may hear, “Please stop feeling this way.”

Here's something that might surprise you: I was an angry teenager.

I grew up on a farm, far from my friends. I wanted more time with other kids, and my parents were busy with the demands of farming. I understand their limitations now, but at the time, I felt stuck and unheard.

I could be angry about that and still enjoy my friends, love learning, and feel excited about my future.

Your teen can have strengths you don't see clearly in their hardest moments.

That's one reason I include YouMap® in The Anxiety Maze Navigator. It helps us explore strengths, values, motivating skills, and interests, so we get to know the person behind the anxiety.

When I look back at the encyclopedias, medical books, and old textbooks I loved reading, my Learner theme makes so much sense. What I once explained as boredom also reflected something I enjoyed about being me.

Our teens deserve opportunities to discover those things about themselves, too.

This week, when your teen is upset, try asking:

“What do you wish I understood about this?”

Listen before offering the silver lining. Then, when they're ready, help them choose a next step. They don't have to feel cheerful first.

In this week's episode, I share more about my B-positive discovery, my angry teenage years, and what understanding our strengths can change about the way we support young people.

Look for “When ‘Be Positive’ Isn't What Your Teen Needs” wherever you listen to my podcast.

And if you'd like support for your high schooler, reply to this email with MAP. I'll share more about The Anxiety Maze Navigator: twelve private coaching sessions, YouMap® included, and a brief parent update after each session.

Cynthia

​​​​​​