Hi Reader

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the minute something good happens, your brain starts looking for what could go wrong?

Your teenager has a really good week.

Your college student calls and sounds happy.

You get the job.

You win the prize.

You're on vacation.

The baby is finally sleeping.

Or maybe it's just one of those ordinary afternoons when everyone seems okay.

And then your brain whispers:

"Don't get too comfortable."

There's a name for this.

Foreboding joy.

Brené Brown uses the term to describe what can happen when joy makes us feel vulnerable.

Because the minute we have something wonderful, we also have something we could lose.

So instead of enjoying it, we start preparing ourselves for the possibility that it won't last.

"Don't get your hopes up."

There's a line from Spider-Man: No Way Home that captures this beautifully.

MJ says:

I've heard versions of that my whole life.

"Don't get your hopes up."

"Let's wait and see."

"I don't want to get too excited yet."

It feels protective.

If I don't let myself get too happy, maybe I won't be as devastated if things don't work out.

Except there's a problem.

We're trying to experience some of tomorrow's disappointment today.

And tomorrow's disappointment might never come.

Parents do this, too.

I especially see this with parents who have been living with their child's anxiety for a long time.

Your teen finally goes to the school event.

They stay.

They have fun.

They come home laughing.

And before you've even had time to enjoy it, your brain says:

"Let's see how tomorrow goes."

Maybe tomorrow will be hard.

But tomorrow being hard doesn't make tonight less good.

Tonight, your kid had fun.

Let that count.

There's a difference between planning and bracing.

If there's something you actually need to prepare for, make a plan.

That's useful.

But if there's nothing to do right now, ask yourself:

"Am I solving a problem, or am I trying to feel the disappointment early?"

If you're bracing, come back to what is true right now.

This is good right now.

My kid is laughing right now.

She's okay right now.

He's proud of himself right now.

I'm happy right now.

And I don't have to know how long it will last to let myself experience it.

There's even a term for intentionally noticing and extending positive experiences: savoring.

We don't control what happens next.

But we can practice staying with what's good right now.

Don't leave the good moment before it's over.

That's really what I want you to take with you this week.

You don't have to rehearse tragedy in order to be prepared for life.

You don't have to lower today's happiness to protect yourself from tomorrow's possible disappointment.

And you don't have to guarantee a good future before you're allowed to enjoy a good moment.

When your brain starts looking over its shoulder, try saying:

"I don't know how long this will last. I'm here for it now."

And stay there a little longer.

Because today, the good thing gets to count.

🎧 This week's podcast: Foreboding Joy: Why We Wait for Something Bad to Happen

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